If i come over, it means nothing
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
