Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
