? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
