I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
