I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
