I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
