so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
