there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
