My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize