got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
