If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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