life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
