I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
two words: eviction party
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
