we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
