Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
