bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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