I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
