It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
