4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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