Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
