Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
