Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
