remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
