a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
