The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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