Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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