dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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