i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Pooping to opera.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
