New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
