we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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