My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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