Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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