my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
