Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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