my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
