Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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