Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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