when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
