I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
