I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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