picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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