It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
