And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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