You're completely useless in the revolution.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
