Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
