You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
