Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
