i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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