Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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