I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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