I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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