I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
