He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
