how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
