you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
