Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
