I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
