She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
