Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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