He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
