All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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