I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
