I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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