I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
