hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
