I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize