I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
