I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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