We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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