wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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