You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
