Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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