I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
