she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
