Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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