So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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