we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
