I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
