Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
