I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
