You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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