I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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