I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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