I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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