the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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