The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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