What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
