It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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