So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
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I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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