she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i think my cat just said my name.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
