I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My life is pants optional.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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