The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
