Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
